Heart Full of Love Read online

  She walked down the long driveway toward the house and knocked on the door. When no one answered, she headed for the barn. “Daed?”

  “Hold on,” her father’s voice sounded from inside the building. “I’ll be right out.”

  Ellie wiped the perspiration from her face. Despite it being only midmorning, the day already promised to be another hot one.

  “Hi, Ellie,” her father said, his boots crunching on the gravel driveway. He paused. “Did you walk here by yourself?”

  “Ya.”

  “And yer mudder let you?”

  Ellie nodded.

  “And they say there’s no such thing as miracles.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “How are the bopplis?”

  “Fine.”

  “Gut, gut.” He paused, dropping his hand. “And yer mudder? How are you two getting along?”

  “Really well.” Ellie rubbed her cane in between her forefinger and thumb. “Surprisingly well.”

  “So you just came by to say hi to yer old daed?”

  “You’re not old.”

  “That’s not what mei knees have been telling me. Come on, we’ll go inside and have some tea. I’ll have to make it first. Haven’t had tea since yer mamm left. Haven’t had a decent meal either.”

  She took his arm. “You could have come over.”

  “Nah. I think it’s gut for you and yer mamm to have this time together.”

  “You also like the peace and quiet.”

  He chuckled. “That too.”

  A short time later they were in the kitchen. Ellie heard the rumbling of the water in the kettle as it started to boil. “When was the last time you made tea?” she asked when the teakettle began to whistle.

  “Can’t remember. Possibly when you were a boppli yourself.”

  Earlier he had brought some ice cubes from the cooler in the basement and put them in glasses. When he finished making the tea, it was more tepid than iced, but Ellie didn’t mind. She heard her father sit down across from her.

  “Now . . . tell me why you’re really here,” he said.

  She tugged on one of her kapp strings. She could never put anything past him, and there was no reason for her not to be straightforward. “Who’s Rachel?”

  He sucked in a breath. “Where did you hear about her?”

  Ellie explained about overhearing his and her mother’s conversation, then about Mamm’s strange behavior with Julia. “She called her Rachel. I had heard her do that before, but she insisted I was mistaken. I don’t know what to think.”

  The drumming sound of her father’s fingers against the wood table filled the silence of the room. “This isn’t my story to tell, Ellie. Have you asked yer mamm these questions?”

  “Once. She didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “She never did.” His chair legs scraped against the floor. Her father’s boot heels echoed as he walked toward the sink. She imagined him standing there, looking out the window. Her mother used to do that, Ellie remembered. She liked to see the sun set. How many times had she stood there and thought of Rachel?

  “Ellie. . .” From the direction of his voice she could tell he had turned to face her. “If I told you about Rachel, I would be betraying your mudder. I won’t do that.”

  She let go of the kapp string, disappointed but not surprised. “I understand. I would feel the same way about Chris.”

  “But I do think Edna needs to let this geh. And she’ll never do it if she continues to keep it all bottled up inside her.”

  “I’ve tried talking to her about it.”

  “So have I.” Her father moved closer. “I think there’s only one thing we can do.”

  “What?”

  “Show her that no matter what, we love her.” He put Ellie’s cane in her hand. “Let’s geh.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Edna sat on Ellie and Christopher’s front porch, enjoying the late-morning air. Despite the heat, there was a lovely breeze that made the rising temperature bearable. She had brought the cradle out with her and placed both babies inside. She used her foot to rock the cradle back and forth. They weren’t asleep, but they weren’t fussing either. She kept glancing at them, keeping them close to her, making sure neither was too warm or uncomfortable in any way.

  She looked out at the yard in front of her. As she had over the past few days, she thought of her behavior with Julia. She’d foolishly overreacted. Fortunately Ellie hadn’t brought it up, but that still didn’t temper her embarrassment that she thought her granddochder was deathly ill when she wasn’t.

  A buggy turned into the driveway, and she immediately recognized it. She smiled. Although she was enjoying her time with the babies and Ellie, she missed Ephraim. He parked the buggy near the barn, and after several moments, he and Ellie appeared.

  “I see you’re enjoying the morning, Edna,” he said, escorting Ellie up the steps.

  “Ya. It’s been a fine daag. What are you doing here?”

  He bent over and picked up both babies in one swoop. Edna started. “Ephraim, what—”

  “I think I deserve some quality time with these bopplis.” He flashed her a grin and opened the screen door.

  Edna shot up from the chair. “You don’t know the first thing about taking care of twins.”

  “I took care of mei own two kinner,” he said.

  “Excuse me?” She put her hands on her hips, ignoring Ellie’s laughter in the background. “Who took care of our kinner?”

  “It was a dual effort. Well, we gotta geh. Time for Irene and Julia to hear all about my favorite fishing hole.”

  The door shut behind him before she could say anything else. She turned to Ellie, who was still smiling. “Are you going to let him take the girls like that?”

  “He’s their grossvatter.” She carefully moved to the porch swing and sat down, still holding her cane. “Plus, it will give us a few minutes alone.”

  “What do we need that for?”

  Ellie’s expression grew serious. “So you can tell me about Rachel.”

  Ellie paused, waiting for her mother to respond. Instead, all she heard was the sound of horse’s hooves on the road as a cart went by. She could tell the difference between a cart and a buggy by the sound the wheels made. When the cart and horse passed and her mother still didn’t say anything, Ellie sat back in the swing. “I want to know what happened to her.”

  “It’s not your business. Rachel is . . . personal.”

  “I know. Daed told me.”

  Her mother gasped. “What did he say? I can’t believe Ephraim would do that to me.”

  “Wait,” Ellie said. “He didn’t tell me anything, other than he wants you to be free.”

  “I am.” Mamm sat down. “Rachel is in the past.”

  “Not anymore.” Ellie leaned forward. “I don’t think she ever was. Please, Mamm. Tell me what happened.”

  She heard a sob catch in her mother’s throat.

  “She was . . .” Mamm sniffed. “She was mei sister. And I was supposed to take care of her. It was mei job to keep her safe.” She choked on the next words. “She died because of me.”

  Ellie got up from the swing and sat at her mother’s feet. She reached out until she found Mamm’s hand. “How old was she?”

  “Just a baby. Not even six months old. Yer grandmother had to take yer aenti Roberta to the emergency room—she’d fallen out of a tree and hit her head. Vatter was at work, and Mutter asked me to watch Rachel. But as soon as Roberta and Mutter left in the taxi, Rachel started to cry. She wouldn’t stop.”

  “Oh, Mamm.” Ellie stroked her mother’s hand. Mamm squeezed her fingers, stilling Ellie’s movements.

  “She was very hot too. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had a high fever. I tried to cool her off with a cold cloth. I gave her a bath. But she kept crying. She wouldn’t stop . . .” Mamm’s voice cracked. “I had to put her in the cradle. I closed the door because I couldn’t take the crying anymore.” Mamm’s voice sounded soft. Young. As if
she was reliving the nightmare at that moment. “Finally, she stopped crying. Then I went to mei room and played with mei dolls. I . . . forgot about her.”

  Ellie’s heart filled with pain. “What happened?”

  “Mamm and Roberta were gone for a long time. Hours. It was almost dark when I remembered I was supposed to be watching Rachel. I ran into the room. I looked in the cradle, and she wasn’t moving. I touched her. She was cold. So very cold.”

  Tears streamed down Ellie’s face. “How old were you?”

  “Seven.” She pulled out of Ellie’s grasp. “Old enough to take care of a boppli.”

  “It wasn’t yer fault she died.”

  “I forgot about her, Ellie. I should have taken her next door to the neighbors. They would have known what to do. But I forgot all about her. If I hadn’t put her in the cradle . . . if I hadn’t shut the door . . .”

  Ellie rose and put her arms around her mother. “I’m so sorry.”

  Mamm stiffened. “Mutter never blamed me. Neither did Vatter. I remember them saying she died from the fever, but other than that we never spoke of it again, right up until the day they died. It was as if Rachel never existed.”

  “But she did, Mamm. And she still does. In yer heart. You can’t keep blaming yourself. You have to know it wasn’t your fault.”

  “It was God’s will. That’s what mei onkel said. But that was little comfort.”

  Ellie sat back down. “We don’t always understand God’s will. Remember, that’s what you told me after the accident.”

  “Ya,” she whispered. “I remember.”

  “And Rachel is in heaven. She has her angel wings. You need to let her geh.” She laid her head in her mother’s lap. “You can’t keep worrying about the twins. Or about me. All this fretting is keeping you from enjoying your grandchildren.”

  “I realize that, Ellie.” She stroked Ellie’s back. “And I thought I had come to terms with it. When Wally and you were born, I wasn’t afraid. Not like I am now.”

  “Because you kept us safe.”

  “Ya,” she whispered. “I kept you safe.”

  Ellie lifted her head. “Mamm, don’t you see? It’s God who’s in control. Even when we think we are, God’s will is always done. We have to do our part, but we also have to accept when God’s decisions aren’t ours.”

  Mamm touched Ellie’s cheek. “Like with your blindness.”

  “Like with your Rachel.”

  “Ellie, I . . . I’m not sure how I can forgive myself for what happened to her.”

  “Let’s take the first step.” She reached out and touched her mother’s cheek. “Let’s pray.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Ellie paced the front porch, her stomach in knots. Mamm, sitting in a chair, her knitting needles clacking away, cleared her throat.

  “You’re going to wear down the porch boards,” she said. “Be patient. He’ll be here soon.”

  Ellie checked her Braille watch. “He’s half an hour late. What if their van got into an accident?” An ache formed in her chest, close to panic as her own car accident flashed in front of her. Almost instantly she felt her mother standing beside her.

  “What did you tell me about worrying?” Mamm said.

  “That it doesn’t change anything.” Ellie sat down in the swing. Why couldn’t she take her own advice? Chris’s three weeks had turned to four, and he was finally due home. Unfortunately, he was late. She had talked to him almost every day, but the phone was a poor substitute for him being here.

  Mamm sat back down in the chair, picked up her needles, and started knitting again. She was making two dark-blue sweaters for the girls. The sound of her foot rocking the cradle back and forth against the porch boards was in perfect rhythm with her flying needles. Since their talk on the front porch that day, Ellie and her mother had grown closer. Mamm had been less tense, although she still went a little overboard when it came to taking care of the girls. But now she wasn’t any more doting than Chris’s mother, who had been by several times to see the twins. Sarah Lynne, who was still struggling with morning sickness, was only able to visit twice, but according to Barbara everything was going well with the pregnancy.

  The clicking of the needles abruptly stopped. “I believe I owe you an apology, dochder.”

  Ellie turned her head toward her mother. “For what?”

  “For not helping you the way you needed me to.”

  “Mamm, everything has been fine.”

  “I’m talking about before. I should have trusted you with the twins.”

  Surprised, Ellie said, “Danki, Mamm. I appreciate that.”

  “I see how gut you are with the babies. How organized everything is here.” Mamm sighed. “Christopher was right to ask me to leave. I was in the way.”

  “Is that what he said to you?”

  “Not in so many words. But he did the right thing.” She started knitting again. “You know I didn’t think much of him when we first met.”

  “You did make that pretty clear.”

  “Now, Ellie, you couldn’t blame me, could you? He had left the Amish. How was I supposed to trust him?”

  “By trusting me.”

  Her mother paused. “You’re right. I promise I’ll do a better job of that from now on.”

  The sound of a car turning into the driveway drove Ellie out of the swing. “Is he here?”

  “Looks like it,” Mamm said. She didn’t move or stop knitting.

  Ellie carefully but quickly went down the steps. She heard the sound of a car door slam. She stopped in the middle of the yard. “Chris?”

  “I’m here.” He drew her close.

  She hugged him tightly, whispering in his ear, “I’m so glad you’re home.”

  “Mei too.” He pulled away from her. “Hi, Edna,” he called.

  “Christopher.”

  He chuckled and said in a low voice, “Same old Edna.”

  Ellie lifted her head. “Nee. She’s not the same. She’s better.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll tell you all about it. But there are two little girls waiting for you. You won’t believe how big they’ve grown.”

  “I can’t wait to see them. Let me get my duffel bag.” When he took her hand, she leaned against him and whispered, “Later I’ll give you a proper welcome home.”

  He laughed, and she smiled. They walked up the front porch steps together, and she stayed back as Chris picked up his daughters, telling them how beautiful they were and how much their daed had missed them.

  Mamm came up beside her. “It’s time for me to geh home.”

  Ellie turned to her. “You can stay, Mamm. Chris won’t mind.”

  “Nee, Ellie. You all need time together. As a familye.”

  “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’m only down the street, dochder. Don’t worry. You’ll see me soon enough.”

  Before her mother could walk away, Ellie hugged her, her own heart filling with love as her mother hugged her back. They had both changed since the babies were born. A month ago she wasn’t sure if she and her mother would ever get along again. Now she knew they would always be close . . . and she thanked the Lord for that.

  READING GROUP GUIDE

  1. Do you think Edna’s worry over Ellie taking care of the twins was justified? Why or why not?

  2. Edna thought she had good intentions when it came to taking care of her grandbabies, but she was really acting out of fear and worry. Have there been times when fear or worry dictated your actions? How did God help you during those times?

  3. Do you think Edna would have been as worried about the babies if Ellie wasn’t blind?

  4. Ellie and Edna both had to learn how to let God be in control of their lives. Have you ever faced this challenge? What helped you “let go and let God”?

  5. What advice would you give Ellie about how to deal with her mother?

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Kelly Long—your encouragement and input as I was writing t
his novella were invaluable. Thank you!

  My editors, Becky Monds and Jean Bloom—thank you for your advice, experience, and support.

  A special thank you, as always, to my wonderful family.

  RECIPES FROM KATHLEEN FULLER’S

  A Heart Full of Love

  STEW

  1 qt. canned steak or chunk meat, chopped

  3 cups water

  Bring these ingredients to a boil then add:

  ½ pk. noodles (4 oz.)

  Cook 10 minutes, then add:

  3 medium potatoes, diced

  4 medium carrots, diced

  1 small onion, diced (optional)

  Cook another 3 to 4 minutes. Add:

  2 cups cooked corn

  2 cups cooked beans

  Simmer 10 minutes. Add salt to taste (about 1 tsp.)

  MARINATED CARROTS OR COPPER PENNIES

  SAUCE

  1 can tomato soup

  ½ tsp. salt

  ½ tsp. pepper

  1 Tbsp. mustard

  ½ cup sugar

  ½ cup cooking oil

  ¼ cup vinegar

  chopped onions (optional)

  chopped peppers (optional)

  Slice and cook 1 lb. carrots. When done, add sauce, 1 sliced mango, and 1 onion. Marinate overnight.

  MOCK PECAN PIE

  ½ cup sugar

  ¼ melted butter

  1 tsp. vanilla

  ¼ tsp. salt

  3 whole eggs

  1 cup Karo syrup

  1 cup oatmeal

  Mix in order given. Pour into unbaked pie shell and bake at 350 for 35 to 40 minutes, or until center is almost set.

  All recipes from A Taste of Home From the Schlabach Family